HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
