U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
