I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
