Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize