My brain says no but my pants say off.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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