VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
