Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
