there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
