My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
