I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
