I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
