the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
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