I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
