Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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