Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
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