Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
