you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
