i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
