who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm just crazy horny about you
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
