How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
