i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
