how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
