If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize