how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
