I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
17 year olds will be the death of me.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
