i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
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