at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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