was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
