dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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