I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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