My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
should my penis look like a turkey
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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