I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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