remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
As shirtless as possible
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Everyone says I win the strip club
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
When are your genitals available?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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