The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
