i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
