my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I don't deserve a penis
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
