My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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