I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
