So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
