I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
She's the barista slut.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
