summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
