Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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