This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
