We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
