I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
