i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
