Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
