Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
She bit a glass in half.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
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