Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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