theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
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