Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
