If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
