She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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