he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
