Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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