I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
