He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
