You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
he puts the penis in happiness.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
