Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
