I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
