I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Randomize
