Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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