Don't make out with my wife yet
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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